Reality Inspyrd with ashley inspyrz

Reality INspyrd - How Radical Self-Reliance Changed Me

Episode Summary

Step inside the dusty gates of Burning Man with John Woldenberg and Ashley Stauffer. This conversation dives into radical self-reliance, breaking free from human constructs, and finding presence in chaos. An invitation to remember who you are—beyond the default world. ✨

Episode Notes

Hey fireflies ✨—
Come breathe with me inside this conversation with John Woldenberg, where we talk about Burning Man, radical self-reliance, presence, and the quiet power of being exactly who you are.

This isn’t advice—it’s an invitation to remember yourself.

What we discussed:
0:00 – Welcome & why radical self-reliance matters
4:14 – Breaking free from the “machine” of outside opinions
10:28 – Trusting your own inner compass
17:49 – Burning Man as a micro-universe of individuality
24:32 – Learning to receive help without giving away your power
33:23 – The dance between solitude and connection
41:09 – Consciousness flow: memories, presence & the decision matrix
51:43 – Loving what is (Byron Katie wisdom + ancient echoes)
52:56 – The Bike Saga Begins: chain trouble & playa perseverance
1:00:02 – The Cup Incident: boundaries & Burning Man etiquette
1:06:00 – Why can’t we be generous, have art, service in the default world?
1:08:49 – Burning Man punk rock 🤘🏽 screw the human construct
1:15:02 – Becoming Your Own Shaman & Teacher
1:24:04 – Human Car Wash & Body Freedom (runs through 1:26:30)*
1:26:40 – Clay, Vibration & the Intelligence of Matter
1:28:00 – Reflections on Nakedness, Shame & Natural Joy
1:29:34 – The Chaos That Somehow Works
1:30:02 – Lessons from Beekeeping & Humility of Nature
1:33:02 – Expectations vs. Reality at Burning Man
1:35:02 – Living Fully in the Present Moment
1:36:17 – Closing Gratitude & Final Thoughts

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💬 Share your reflections: What pattern are you ready to break?
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💫 Go deeper into subconscious rewiring + soul embodiment:
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Episode Transcription

welcome back to reality inspyrd with Ashley Inspyrz

in this episode with John Woldenberg

we will journey into the heart of Burning Man

where radical self reliance meets the art of presence

John has been to burning man for a few years

it was my first year

so it was great to just kind of have the the mirror with him

we're gonna explore the seamless weaving of the past and the present

and how the playa serves as a mirror

inviting us to love what is right now free from distractions

the takeaways for you I want you to embrace the present

learn how to release the mental distractions of the past

and the future to fully experience this moment now

radical self reliance discover how self sufficiency

at Burning Man can inspire more autonomy

in everyday life and the power of stillness

and how moments of solitude can deepen our connections with others

and with ourselves so

join us as we dive into these reflections

and carry the spirit of the playa into our daily lives

in the default world

I think that uh

they struggle with those decisions at the moment yeah

I'm not a good example of anything cause I like of anything

cause I'm like okay

I'm gonna do it the way I feel

and I'm not gonna let anyone else's opinions of my life

mm hmm shape my life

uh huh and what does that sound like

like if you're if you're like

OK I see

are you checking it out

and kind of seeing what everybody else is doing

are you like assisting I don't check it out

you're not even checking it out

you're just like where's my next step

where's my cause the whole concept of checking it out means that I

I don't know what I wanna do

uh huh

well I'm

I'm looking for someone else's life to shape my life

oh yeah

I'm not looking for anyone to shape my life

no teacher no guru

nobody's you know

billion dollar overnight you know business

uh huh to just to be my guide

uh huh you know

anytime you look for someone else to help you

you're handing the keys to that person

you're giving your power away

yeah yeah

what is it about the human

what is it about our humanness that makes us wanna gossip about it

ask for an opinion to get the validation

um

it's the way we the human construct was set up

you know is

you know that we

we seek commoditize commoditization and versus individuality

so we wanna know what are you doing so I can be like you

uh huh what are you

what are you striving for

so I don't I'm not so distant from you

uh huh as opposed to being okay with who we are yeah

you know it's

it's

it's a bizarre notion that we're 8 billion immensely different living

energies that are trying to seek to be the same

we go to school everybody's taught the same things

no matter who you are you could be a poet

you could be a singer you could be an actor

you could be a painter you could be a philosopher

but you gotta like

learn everything the way everyone learns it

uh huh go through the exact same steps everyone goes through

you get a grade that puts you into

where do you fit in the in the system

and then we shove people off and say

get a car get a house

you know

seek to have a a upwardly mobile career no matter who you are

and and so I think part of the seeking of opinions is

is what we we made the machine

and we're putting everything through that machine

hmm

um in our lives

unless you break from the machine right

tell me how you break free you

you have to have like

an event yeah

no you have to have an event in your life that just happens

yeah you know

and I had one in my early 20s

and it it set in motion a series of

thoughts mm hmm

that put me on the road to me

and then I've stayed there

I mean I'm not like

I stray mm hmm

but I know when I'm straying and I pull myself back

are those certain practices

are those um

certain events like going to a burning man

is that part of bringing yourself back into yourself

no I think going to burning man

for me is just another experience in my life

I happen to enjoy it because it's different every time

and it it represents all the things in life

it's like a microcosm for life

the challenges the

the need to to exist amongst people you don't know

which we all exist amongst people we don't know but

we live very anonymously in the default world

yes but at Burning Man

if you're thirsty you might ask someone

you know do you have any water

and they want to help you

um here

the idea of like walking up to a stranger and saying

I'm really thirsty do you have any water

like what's wrong with that guy

hey are you a

like a killer or like you following me home stalker yep

yep like

holy shit and so

you know we've built this system of mistrust and

and it's something that we all live in bizarrely

because no one likes it no one feels comfortable in it

everyone feels like weird

like asking strangers you know we

we we lock our doors

uh huh we

you know wonder who's looking in our window we

we you know

we're suspect of everybody walking by

uh huh and

you know we're probably the only species

that just fucking doesn't trust anything right

so that's a long answer when you're out there

you have to learn how to trust not only others

but yourself as well

is kind of what I feel like I was going up against was like

well trust

am I gonna betray myself here

well trust

I think is a

I'm really focused on how I

the words I use with myself

mm hmm um

and I do I did use the word trust just now but um

you you are who you are

mm hmm so and you're not broken

you are who you are the question is

how do you extract all the voices in your head

to stay within yourself

meaning extract your mother's voice and your father's voice and your

your siblings'voices and your best friend's voice

and your teacher in grade school's voice

and someone who is walked

you know some conservative on TV who said look

if you if you a woman and you like a woman you know

you're going to hell like you're just

you've got voices clamoring to get into your head

uh huh so the question is

how do you extract those so that you just stay here

uh huh and and and the practice of just staying here uh huh

allows everything you do if you do stay here

to be the strongest connection with everything you do

having a cup of coffee giving someone a hug

you know

deciding do you want to do this or that a job or an activity you know

that it's 100% Ashley deciding does that make me happy

does that make me feel something good

or is it my mom doesn't think I should be doing that

and my teacher said I should be more ambitious

and my best friend thinks I should be a little bit more coiffed

and my blah blah blah

and you're like whoa

like I gotta weigh all those opinions before I make every decision

it's quite the decision matrix yeah

the decision matrix oh interesting hmm and where in the

in the Burning Man do we call that a culture

you know

it's hard to describe burning man to anyone for sure

I Learned that mm hmm yeah

it's you know

the I'd be naturally

I think we'll end up touching on your Virgin experience

um but I feel like we live in a stressed world

mm hmm we choose to live in a stressed world

we fit into a box we make appointments

you know every hour

we eat at 8 we eat at noon we eat at six

it's disconcerting if you're not hungry or if you wanna eat at nine

or if you wanna eat at 10

like let's have breakfast at 10

like what are you talking about

I'm like we

we already had breakfast yeah

and so you know

there's a lot of stress to snap to the grid and be in the system

snap to great yes

and um

burning man is

the way I

see it it's like in the default world

most people tend to leave the default world to go visit a forest

or national park to

to like feel good and take a walk and breathe

like it was so beautiful the sun was out

we saw like the landscape was beautiful

we felt so good um

because in these places it's ultimate individuality

there's no rules as to where a tree grows or where a rock tumbles

or where leaves fall or where animals roam

it's everyone kind of coexists as themselves in a forest

when then we come back to default world and we

we are upset and stressed

because we're all trying to fit into this form that we created

that doesn't fit really anybody

so somewhere you're not gonna fit into this form

you're not you know

you don't you're not as hungry

but you have to eat

you feel like you want to spend more time talking to people

but you only have an hour

you know

just all the things that you just have to kind of be in this world and

um

I kind of view burning man as kind of a quasi forest

people go there because it's ultimate individuality

people dress how they want with or without clothes

people do activities how they want there's no

no shaming body shaming there

there's no there's no

there's ultimate kindness and um

caring for each other there's no victimization game there

mm hmm um

it's everyone kind of lives in this

this human forest

where individuality is celebrated and shared and explored

and when you come back to default world

you lose that cause

you've got to wear a suit and you've got to be at work at 8

and you've got to you know

fill out that paperwork

and you've got to do everything everyone does no matter what

or else you fail

and um

even if you're an incredible thinker

an incredibly kind and warm person

you might not be celebrated as who you are

if you are you know

if you're working in a factory

and you got to process 30 widgets an hour

no one cares that you're a nice person right

just get the widgets done

and um

I think burning man is like going to a forest

people go there to feel the

the joy of being themselves and

and hopefully when they leave burning man

they walk with that feeling

and they bring it back in all different ways into their life

um and I find that for me to be endlessly interesting

I mean you know

I like every day but burning man is endlessly interesting

this year was very different than the last year

than the last year than the last year

you meet different people

you hear different things and um

so you know

burning man is just a another beautiful experience for me um

to just celebrate the way I wanna be in my life and to remind me that

you know you can exist that way

I love that and what I've been saying about my virgin journey is that

I got the mirror turned on me

and I got to look at myself really close up

like it was it was that you know three

four times magnifying and I was just like

whoa

like this is a lot of shit that I'm carrying

that I'm energetically feeling or that I'm not being discerning about

and in that

and then just like the victim consciousness showing up and

and I do feel like there was this journey of like I

I came with like so much excitement and like I was like burning

I've been waiting my whole life for Burning man

this is gonna be the best ever like I was ready

I have a I have a list

I I brought like eight pairs of fishnet stockings

17 hats uh six pairs of shoes like

I I don't know what I thought it was gonna be John

but it was not that like I ended up wearing like four outfits like it

because I just needed I was like

I need practical I am in survival mode

there is it was it was really wild to just kind of uh

witness and carry myself through that um

cause it it felt like a like a medicine journey

it felt like a healing

it felt like really kind of getting shook up at my core and being like

you sure you wanna operate in the world like this

you should like you sure like

I was just kind of getting little nudges

and I had the opportunity in real time

because you're faced with elements and

and multiple people and and

and that wanna help and wanna support you

and just kind of got this like

a bit of an exhale like a huh

like you're taking care of your you know

it's not you don't have to clutter your mind with all this other

totally you don't have to the Maya is is not you

you are like this other worldly

radiant being that is getting bogged down by

by the marketplace by all the all the choices

all the all the voices in the head from

from the people in your holding environment when you were a child to

you know yesterday on the news or whatever

so it's a it was really

I just feel like a it was like a fan

and I just got to explore this journey of me

moving through time and space

and it kind I also feel like it kind of happened rapidly

like I just got I was pushing myself to the limit that like

I just felt like I was collapsing timelines in a way

I was just like oh yeah

check it nope

you're out like just clearing the way

I'm only here for what is for me

every cut the fat like

and I keep saying like

I've just been pussy footing around for how long

like I'm done pussy footing around

like I'm just gonna claim what it is I want and get that

it's interesting because I'm going back to vocabulary

uh huh and you used you said people wanted to help me

uh huh and I think it's the opposite

I think it's you Learned to be a good receiver

hmm you Learned to be self sufficient and when you needed help

to seek it and receive it

and it wasn't people like checking in with you

it was you navigating through Burning Man through the challenges

the joy the sleeplessness

and when you did need help

you sought it out the playa provides and it provided it

and I think that this is another thing about burning man

is that burning man is just a reflection of life yeah

so you come back here yeah

it's not like a 65 mile an hour wind and a sandstorm or rain

it's a broken relationship or running late

or feeling like you didn't put in your ass best effort

or your best friend disappointing you or

you know feeling like

you know you just you're wasting time

yeah and and all those little pieces and challenges of life

you've got to navigate and be able to feel like I can do this as me

I don't need to be like managed by someone else

and when I need help I need to be a good receiver

and be able to reach out to other human beings

to be part of my journey

because this is kind of the co creation thing

you you're here on your own and

you're here with 8 billion others

so you can't navigate everything

alone'cause you rely on the rest of the world to be here too

and they can't do it either

there's no one on the planet that can be alone

somebody else yeah

and I think that I think that the vocabulary is critical

because if you stick on the word

people were looking to help me

uh huh you're handing the keys to someone else again

as opposed to just acknowledging the fact that

you're doing the navigating hmm

you're saying other people are

are coming in to inter to interrupt the problem and fix it for me

whereas you recognize the problem

you recognize the need you seek the help

you accept the help and that's radical self reliance

which is part of what burning man is

and I think in the world you know

people tend to be horrible receivers

they it's much easier to like

walk the blind lady across the street then to say

you know I

I can't I couldn't hear what they said

could you tell me what they said

you know for

if you look like you're a hearing person

like you're embarrassed or you're like

you have to be able to be free of all those notions of vulnerability

and of like ego

be able to do what you do in Burning Man in the default world

and then when you speak to yourself about how you're doing it

you need the when I say need

that's the inappropriate word

I'd say the practice is to understand that you're doing the navigation

right and no one else is doing it for you right

no matter how much help you have

you're making every decision your

your the feelings you're having are only felt by you

uh huh and

and there's no one else that is doing it for you

you might have voices that you accept to contribute to your decisions

but that's that's you doing it

you are managing that your mom is not sitting in your head saying

Ashley

if you do this I

I'm gonna take away your cell phone

right right

no this is you saying my mom doesn't think I should do this

you're allowing that to happen right

and um

it's how do you

how do you clear that from your head so that they still exist

like I'm best friends with my mom

but no matter what she doesn't get between me and my feelings

she stays in my chat room and I

and I literally talk to her almost every day um

and I'm lucky to be that close to my mom yeah

but she doesn't shape what makes me happy

not in my life right

she's a voice

she's like part of my journey

she's part of my adventure and I love that

like many people I did a lot of

I read a lot of books and go to a lot of lectures

and I have a lot of really interesting spiritual

intellectual emotionally grounded friends

and I'm always interested in talking with them about anything

um not because I want their life to shape mine

just because I wanna

I have to exist with everybody I'm interested in

in their life but I'm gonna make my own decisions for my life mm

hmm

hmm somebody asked me what I got from Burning Man

and when I just did a sound bite

what came out was

I don't like being alone as much as I say I like being alone cause I

you know it

I'm real I'm seeing that like I've

I've gotten I wanted to live alone

I wanted to like challenge myself to that

I had always lived with somebody

I went from you know

always roommates or I went from growing up to roommates to da da da da

like I just needed I felt like I needed that

a sense of sovereignty that I could do it myself

and that I didn't need anybody

and in that then there I feel like there's just like this tired

exhausted feminine

because she's always just been having to do it herself

and so what ended up coming out on a

on a vlog that I filmed at Burning Man was that I was like

I just want a man to take care of the ice

like I didn't get ice my food went bad

like I just I was like

I just want someone to take care of the ice

why I just

I'll take care of a lot of other things

I was like I just didn't want to go get the ice

I didn't wanna pay for it

I didn't wanna go get it

I didn't wanna get on my bike and ride on that bumpy road

all the way to get the ice

like it was it was very

it was a nice again

that reflection that mirror of

of again

what I was choosing and not choosing to do and just kind of again

like looking at that that decision making and

and how I chose that is um

is interesting well

to me um

so it's interesting you say that

uh huh because thank you very much for sharing this

yes of course

I'll get down with a little cookie especially for sharing

um I struggle with what you just said because

you know you don't like being alone

but we're

what is the human experience

the human experience is is ideas

that's it it's what you taste

what you see what you touch again

when you touch something you're you

there's a feeling that's that is scent

it's not a thing

like you're not picking up a glass and saying this is a glass

you touch something it

that contact sends a message

which is an idea when you're cold

when the temperature drops

something sends a message

I'm cold like we could be in the same place

you're cold I'm not cold

uh huh um

so the idea of being alone you always have

the warmth of the your best friend in your head

you always have the comfort of family members

you always have the joy of memories

you always have the feeling of

of successes and failures

like what what is alone

like you're not really alone because you're

everything is just an idea anyways

what you're saying is

I need some of the sentient aspects of existence in my life

I need to have physical interaction with people

because um

you said someone has to go

I'd like someone to go get ice

you know part of it isn't maybe just getting ice

it's the idea of having a person with you that's sharing your journey

mm hmm that's in proximity to you

but um

you know if you're

if you're sitting in your own house and you're feeling down

you're thinking of like warm things

like the times you know

you were happy with your anybody hopefully hopefully

hopefully you're thinking of how to feel better and not going down

or you're thinking of the times that you were sad

but yeah

but the idea is that you're thinking about getting

that fear and loathing you right

we're thinking of people you're thinking of experiences

you're thinking of animals

yeah and longing

and longing longing

and so what isn't what what once was and now isn't

so it's a little bit I feel that a lot in my body

it's a little play on words like alone

like are we ever

never ever alone

we're never ever

because I have two dogs like

whenever I'm sad I like think of Milo and Bella

and that makes me smile right

um does that mean that I'm alone

does that mean that their energy is interacting with mine

and at any given time I kind of reach out to that energy and say

I needed that uh huh

uh the same way

I need someone to go get ice

uh huh so it's kind of an interesting dynamic when you say

I don't like being alone you know

well I do like being alone

that's why I'm here but it at Burning Man

it was like because I was kind of doing everything kind of solo

and then also chose to like

I was there but like I was like

I'm going solo today cause I tried to like

keep up with the group and do the thing that everybody was doing and

um and then it ended up being me and Drea and that was good for us

we like the two the two people um

but I I very much enjoy being alone and I've also been very much

very clear in my uh

energetic signature of like I am enjoying my alone time I am in

I am creating in my alone time

it is balanced in my alone time

I like doing whatever the heck I want in my alone time

and so it's almost like do not pass at it was and or it is

but now it's interesting'cause now I have this opening and I'm like

what if there was someone to

reciprocate what I'm moving through and

and have kind of that dialogue

or just that energetic exchange of another being

being present so it's more that I was I'm

I'm almost valuing my alone time as much as understanding that like

being in a

communion in community with another person's is also very delightful

and offers other other treats and

and delights

you know I I mean

I like the conversation some of it is

because I think about this stuff but um

you know your daily

existence is flowing with flaps going back and forth between

I'm loving my alone time and I love being with another person

like in that moment you know

I wish I had a person to go get ice

like I don't wanna drive on the bumpy road

then the sun comes out and you're just sitting there by yourself

the sun feeling oh

my God this feels so good

I'm so loving this view and I'm loving this moment with myself

and then you know

so it's the flap goes this way and you want a person

the flap goes this way and you're taking a beautiful breath

this flap goes this way and you don't want a person

then it goes this way and you're having a great cup of coffee

and it's it's constantly going back and forth between I love my

my moment here and to I wish I had someone to share it with

and it just this is the nature of life

it just kind of flows around

and you'll have 20 straight moments of alone beauty

where you're smelling a flower and you're walking your dog

and you're seeing a beautiful tree and you're feeling the sun

and it's like oh

just moment after moment after moment of like

I love this then you get home and you're like calling your boyfriend

can you come over I wanna see you

just so it's it's also kind of understanding that there is no

there is no designed plan and

and you will be going back and forth between this all the time

there's a there's a television show and I forgot the name of it

I could probably look it up that tried I think pretty well to

um represent

the constant moving from the real

brick and mortar world to the consciousness world

meaning if I you're with meeting a nice guy and you're like hmm

seems like a nice guy I might like to spend time with that guy

and then your head goes to the last motherfucker was

just an asshole

and I remember him

like just leaving me on a corner when he said he would come

and I had to like get an Uber

and like I'm like

where the hell were you and he was so thoughtless

and then you come back to he seems like a nice guy where you're

you're you're going back and forth between your experiences and your

your biases in your head

to your experience in the brick and mortar world

where you're you're having a real time interaction

and this TV show is constant

like you might feel something

see someone in a television show dying and think of your grandmother

and you know

going back and forth with your grandmother died of cancer

and this person's dying of cancer

and you're just like remember your sadness of that

and it's affecting your sadness when you watch this

and you're kind of going back and forth between

I'm watching someone die of cancer

and I had someone die of cancer in my life

and it's it's a fluid

you don't even notice it happening in your consciousness

but it happens all the time

and the show tried to represent it

and it was fascinating because it dove deep into like

her relationship with her dad

would pop up in the middle of nowhere when she's like

having dinner with her boyfriend

and yeah and it would go to that memory of like her dad like

like saying you can do this one

she didn't think she could do it right like

and then she's like back like

what do you want to order

you know and it's just

but this is how we are in our life

our consciousness is constantly flowing like

and interacting with us at the same time that we're interacting now

um

and so uh

part of the the sophistication of existing

is the fact that it's so fucking sophisticated

it's so beyond us the way things flow

the decision matrix the

the idea that we're like you know

that we can have control over anything

um

is is part of the magic of

of being able to like let a lot of it go and just exist in the moment

and be present with everything

because you're never gonna control anything

you're never gonna have the answer to anything

and the more you seek those things

the more you're going to be distracted from just being here

yeah

I enjoy that

I mean it's it

I like living in existential land

but part of it is and I think we've spoken about this in the past

the fact that just from the scientific perspective

I love science I grew up in a science

nerdy family

chemical engineers were in the chemical laboratory supplies business

so grew up with the periodic tables

hmm um

you know we talked about the fact that we're

you and I our bodies were 55 trillion cells

I watched a movie last night

I think

that was called a movie night for my group of Burning Man friends

called um

gut feeling I think it was called gut feeling

oh and it was about the

the the biome that lives in

the community of creatures that live in your gut and how

antibiotics different things have totally messed with our

our is it a documentary

it is a documentary I think I may have watched it

um

and that people get fecal transplants and they have yes

you know where they test

yeah they

they get probiotics which are not natural

and it's really they were trying

the movie was all about

how do you not mess with what is a natural community of things

that work within the community of living things

that you are meaning your body is 55 trillion cells

all of which can be living in a fridge

in a petri dish without Ashley

is that Ashley in the fridge

all the bacteria and viruses

and things that are constantly landing on you

and being breathed into your nose and going down your gut

all of these things have their own energy

their own life

that doesn't really look like your life or your perceived life

um and so those critters

that village that exist

that is Ashley's body has invited Ashley's energy

we're calling Ashley you

but it's really the energy that has been invited in

to this village of living things

to have the human experience

and so that concept alone

makes people glaze over like

what do you mean I'm not John

uh huh like well

I am John

the energy that is existing with this village of living things and

and we don't even know the extent of this cause we our science

is only so good to be able to see small things

so we can see electrons and neutrons and

you know different minerals like magnesium and oxygen and hydrogen

and see all the things that make us up um

but we can't we don't know how to go smaller or we

or we haven't made it up cause everything we know we made up anyways

and um so

the idea that we're just energy

that is invited in to have this experience

which is all just ideas dreams

conversation smells

taste hearing sight

is

it can't be understood there's no

there's no ability to understand it from the human construct

it's not something we understand

uh huh so we dismiss it automatically as like Woohoo

the same way when we look up in the sky and say a trillion other

stars like earth in our galaxy

and then there's trillions of galaxies and we're like

what are we having for lunch

you know like trillions of trillions of trillions of what

you know there's there's no end to that or is there an end to that

or do is it just a perception of I mean

who knows right

so you know

we like to wrap our existence up in a neat box with a bow and say

we have all the answers

we understand it all and and we have no answer

we have no ability to understand all of this

and it's kind of like the fool's errand

to be seeking those answers because it's so past human comprehension

it's so much bigger than what we made up

which is in every textbook on page 12 Chapter 7

hmm hmm

when we are

moving through this time and space

I find I get bogged down with like the

what I said the

the longing the

the what if what if

what if and and

and oh

I miss it I miss

we had it I miss it

I miss it I miss it

it's been like taken away from me and I want it back

and so there I

I felt that at burning man that left me

it I don't know if it was

cause I was in like a state of like beingness

presence or a state of survival

like only trying to survive

cause I was struggling out there emotionally

um but when I came back to the default world a couple days later I

I camped on my way down but I was allowing myself that decompression

I get back here and I'm like oh

some things that I would like

think about or would cross my mind were just kind of gone

like part of the 70,000 thoughts I had yesterday

those were gone

I was just kind of like um

I survived burning Man 2025

come at me bitch

like I'm ready

like it's interesting because it um

Barbara Katie wrote a book about this

the work no loving what is oh OK

so her premise she had a

some psychotic break you went to a residential program

then she had an epiphany wrote a book

became famous right

okay okay

I was thinking of somebody else

and the and the premise of her book is the what ifs

hmm

is that the source of all of her pain

all of her anxiety all of her

her

she would say her malfunctioning in the default world

was due to the fact that she would do a lot of

like you say what if

but really it's always wishing for something that wasn't

mm hmm meaning it's raining

I wish it was sunny I go outside

I share my feelings with my boyfriend

he never shares his feelings

he's such an asshole

even though that's his that's who he is

and and the idea of her book is

which is very true like everything you said about Burning Man

I believe also

is just being in reality and not wishing for something that isn't

uh huh here

you wish for a nicer guy you wish that you had run 5 miles yesterday

you wish you had been gotten up earlier

you wish

it's it

that is your own source of anguish

because no one else is feeling what you're saying

no one else is feeling I wish I'd gotten up earlier

no one else is feeling I wish I had a nicer boyfriend

well they might be

but in their own world not in your world but no

they're not wishing that you had a nice survivor right right

right they had a nice survivor

but the idea is that putting your arms around truth

and loving truth

is a way to remove so much of the pain and anxiety in someone's life

it's it's not always wishing for things that aren't

it's just loving the truth

loving what is loving the truth and at Burning Man

it kind of forces you to do that yeah

like when it's a storm and you have a tent

you can't say I'm gonna go to the hotel hahaha

but can you

hahaha when you don't have ice and your things are getting wrong

you like can't say I can't I gotta find a fridge somewhere

you know you're it is you know ice it's going bad

you're dealing with everything in real time

what it actually is and loving what it is and loving what it is

even if you don't love what it is

you put your arms around what is

you don't have to like

I don't I don't think you have to love every second

I mean for me

I'm I'm interested I'm fascinated by it

I really don't get angry about any of it

but I don't love every moment like some moments are kind of blah

but like then you kind of get the fascination of why is this blah yeah

like that's interesting I had I was looking at that

why is it is it blah cause I'm making it blah

or is it blah because it's actually blah

like

if you're fascinated with individuality and the and the

the magic of just everything

then everything should be interesting why something causes pain

why something causes pleasure

why something seems blah when there's like sun and beauty and

you know landscapes are amazing and is that blah

uh huh are you choosing it to make it blah

hmm you know

it should all be why can't it all just be interesting

uh huh and

and to not hold on to

I wish it were something that I wanted to exactly what I wanted uh huh

you can't like roll like that

you can't

sometimes you're lucky and it kind of lands where you like it

but you have no control over it so you know

when you you know

kind of have those opinions and judgments of your own life

you're you kind of like

why isn't it just falling into place the way I see it

you know yeah

and then you're kind of either mad at yourself or judging that

why it's not

and then you hold it and that takes you to another place totally

and it affects how you smell a flower and how you drink your coffee

and how you talk to your mom

and how you feel about your cat like

you know why did you scratch that

you know like I'm just a cat

that's what I do that's what I do

I'm just scratching around scratching around here

the um

so for saying kind of that um

that self judgment in a way of not of a like love for loving what is

you're kind you get it

that's presence and it reminds me of the Alan Watts

I think he quoted it from a

a older ancient text of like

the farmer had a horse and the horse ran away and the

and everyone came over and said oh

that's too bad and he's like

is it and then the horse comes back the next day

with a bunch of other horses

and they're like wow

that's great your horse brought back five other horses for the farm

amazing and he's like

is it like or like

see or something he's just kind of then um

his son breaks his leg and they're like

oh no we're so sorry your son broke his leg and they're like

just like they're like

that's too bad and they're like

is it and then the next day the

you know

that army recruits come in and looking for people to take to war and

and they're like

well take any able body you got under the age of whatever he's like

well I'm too old and my son's legs broken everyone's like wow

you know that's great he's not going off to war just like

is it like just kind of being in that neutral place um

is really kind of coming back to that presence of being neutral

and that's what I also gathered from Burning Man

is there was definitely a moment where I was like why

would anybody come here this place is a living hell

it is satanic I don't want

like this is

why would you get yourself this uncomfortable

like this is stupid like

I just was having a moment

and then it was again like a victim consciousness

and I was like oh

why are you mad like you don't have any

where to be

you remember like you're but that's that's like a reflection of life

like why don't I have a better job

why don't I have a bigger house

why don't I have more friends

why don't I have a boyfriend

like you equate it to this microcosm when you just live it every day

you just don't look at it like that right

um and

it's going back to even Byron Katie for a second

because she has this interesting worksheet

which I totally forgot

but I can try to remember it like if you have a

a partner that doesn't share their feelings

and you share your feelings and you're like

why don't you share your feelings

like how can we be a good partnership

if I'm the only person sharing my feelings

you never share your feelings

why are you such an asshole

to be able to say

what exactly about that person not sharing their feelings

makes you upset

they're they're not you

and what compels you to feel like if you share their feelings

someone else has to back

like is it do you live a debit and credit existence

meaning transaction yeah

the transaction is I'm giving you a nicety you're thanking me

uh huh

but you should be

but the motivation should be I'm doing a nicety cause I wanna do it

right

and that's the principle and that's enough burning man that's enough

yeah so if I'm sharing my feelings

cause I wanna share my feelings and that's enough

if someone else shares their feelings with me

that's beautiful

but it's because they want to not because I want them to I

when you get mad at someone else for not doing what you want

you're basically saying hand me the keys to your fucking life

because I need you to be what I want you to be

as opposed to just loving that person for who that person is

and feeling like everything you do is intentional from you

and doesn't require something in return

I

the first or second night

Drea's bike was like rogue

it was just it may have even been the first night

cause we're like testing it out and her bike was like riding itself

like it was it was like

we thought it was possessed for a moment

we're like what is that

like this bike is out for blood

is it an ebike no

it was a it was a little cruiser

um and we're riding through and we're like

oh what a bike shop cool

24 hour bike shop and it's like fix your own bike

and it's got the tools um

all there on like a little wire or something so you can tinker around

and we're like we don't know what's wrong with it

we just know there's something wrong with it

there's like four people like chilling

nobody from that camp just a bunch of us that are just like

so cause there were people there that did know how to fix their bike

that was the idea is that you fix your own bike and we're just like

well we don't really know what we're doing

we just know it's an issue and um girl was like

well let me take a look at it

you know I'll take a look at it

and she's like putting air in the tires and she's like

you know checking it out she's like uh

there's something wrong with it

but I don't know what it is

like there's doesn't look right

and then this other guy comes out of like nowhere

he's like hey I'm dirty Dan

what's going on here and they're like we're like

it just doesn't wanna work

da da da

and he like looks at the spokes and the way the baskets on he's like

oh okay we need this this

this and this and he goes and he fixes it amazing

the bike rides great and I'm like

I'm I I wanted to like give him 20 bucks

for like doing this for like

you know saving you for saving us yes

exactly so

but at then but it was Dreya's bike

so I was like it's not my bike

so he fixed her bike she didn't offer anything

so I was like oh okay

just like sit with that and I was like

this is

this is the whole idea of the playa

and I don't know if I told you

but I thought I was gonna be pitching a tent and sleeping in my tent

day 1 we get in there um

and it's Monday night

and another band of rain is coming through and wind

and it's like not gonna build your tent in that

cause you're gonna have to strike it back down again

you know and um

I a another guy in the camp was like

listen

we hold the camper in on my truck and on top of my truck is a tent

can you sleep in there he was just like

do it and I was like well

well no

I want you know

I want my own 10 I was gonna like have space

he's like

he's literally like opening the bed of the truck and opening it up

and he's like tell me this isn't your own space

and I was like oh

well yeah

it's okay it's fine

I mean I really

you know and in the inside you're like

thank god yeah

yeah exactly

and then I well

I had to

I had to consult the people I came with Drea and Jen and Oscar

and I was like guys

like he's just gonna like

me stay up there and they're like yeah

the plyo provides like and I'm like well am I gonna build my own tent

they're like no you're just not like this

this is a gift this is the first gift of the playa

the playa is providing you a stable ground with a tent

you got your tent style

but you're on a truck so you're not gonna move and I was just like

right I can receive this I can receive like I had to like let that in

you know everyone has those experiences that bring them in

I had a bicycle experience so I we store our camp we have 70 people

we have a container we leave all of our bikes at Burning Man

uh huh and as you can see from this Burning Man

the conditions are can be rough and you know

there's dust and there's bumps

and like regular bikes go through hell at Burning Man

amazing that they even survive

and every year

we have two guys in our camp who's in charge of the bikes

so they like rehab the bikes and oil it and check the

oh wow chains and they air pressure and change the tubes and my bike

so I have a regular cruiser

I've resisted the e bike trend and cause I like to ride my bike

although I might change sometime right after this

last year I had a lot of bumps of this

so I my bike

I try my bike and the first thing that happens is the tires flat

after they had checked it

so one of the two guys in charge of bikes

my buddy Mike and he's from Chicago

and I'm like Mike

you know can you fix my bike

and he like puts in a new

he like spends it two hours of my bike

putting in new tubes and riding around

and he like puts in a second tube and he and he says it's good to go

I waited for an hour it didn't it didn't go down

it's still a good shape let's go for ride

so we go for ride one block away

it's flat I'm like Mike

I the tire's flat haha

he goes I just waited an hour like it looked good

I said I

I can't ride this

so we go back instead of taking a ride around the the camps

he spends another two hours with my bike wow

checking out like different size tubes

we finally get it and he's like

this is working I'm 100% sure I rode it around for 20 minutes

you know after I put in the new tube

we get on the bike

can't be more than five minutes into a ride

my chain comes off

Mike Mike

I don't know if this is part of what happened

but the chain came off he goes

well I was kind of wondering why this the

I couldn't get the gear a little bit further up

when I put the tube back on

but it should work it looks like it should work

he puts the chain back on

I help him I'm not like completely helpless

but he's more knowledgeable than me

and we ride for another 10 minutes

comes off again came off eight times during that ride

so he's like we need to go to a bike shop

like I know bikes but this is like past me

so the next day we go to like a comprehensive bike shop

not a do it yourself bike shop

right right

cause he's got all the tools

our campus all the tools

we go to like with professional bike people

mm hmm and

and they're like they look at the same way that Mike did

they're like oh

they look at the chain they oil the chain

they said oh really

it just needed oil that's it

and Mike's like it works perfectly

it just needed oil we didn't have enough oil

good to go we ride out to Playa and the chain comes off

I'm like there's no big deal

it's come off before just put it back on

it's now oiled it should work another 50 yards

comes off again comes off another six times

I'm like wow

holy shit like I think wow

that um

I am destined to have this issue for this burning man

I said I just didn't

he says look

let me ride it to see if maybe I can ride it better than you

I'm like what do you mean you ride it better than me

we're both

haha

he's like that's what happened with me and drea though too

I was like babe

let me write it I'll write it

like the channel stop following up

this is so similar

isarly uh huh

he wrote it and it only came off once

I'm like what are you doing

like I'm really trying to just move my feet

uh huh like I've written but

before this is not the complicated there's no gears

it's just like you just pedal right

straightforward I'm just like being even I'm like okay

I need to practice being even

so I like rode around the bike trying to be even

like once we got back to the camp I'm like

this is a miracle it's a fucking miracle that this is working right

next day

I go all the way across Black Rock City to district to district

and my bike is stolen

and and I had a conversation with the people I was going to say hi to

uh huh I said you know

I've never locked my bike in seven prior burning man

and it's never been stolen and what happens

it's stolen wow

and I and I thought to myself

my bike has my nickname Waldy

splashed in neon yellow paint on one side

neon fuchsia on the other side

not like little type big painted drippy letters

uh huh

and my cup has neon yellow woldy you cannot mistake any of this right

I think to myself

whoever this is is running around with people and they're like

you're not Waldy right hahaha right

like like this is not your bike yeah

I'm like you know what

this has been to so many burning man

this bike's had its time

it's now gone off and I said and then it rained and I'm like OK

that person for sure is being stuck out in the plier

there's no question right

right that they are now stuck on the plier

but it's no longer it's like no longer my bike

and I thought to myself

I've never walked across Black Rock City in 7 burning man

I'm like I'm gonna walk and take my time

and see burning man from a different perspective

and I took like two and a half hours to walk back to my camp

and I stopped at all these little camps

and it was like this beautiful new experience

I came back

people found we found another bike together

we had extra bikes it was all tuned up

in fact not only did we have extra bikes

but another person came to a camp

um a filmmaker from New York who's a friend of mine

um who's doing actually a 4 part series on Netflix about Burning Man

oh it's coming out cool

it's called The Burning Man

um she's like

she text me I said

my bike was stolen she goes

I'll buy a bike on the way in to Burning Man for you

wow I said

you don't have to I can probably find a bike here

she goes no

I'm gonna buy a bike for you

so she bought a bike for me at one of these like junk bike place right

right well

you see it's working bike lead supplier yes

you people donate yes

if they if they're not bringing it home with them

but I found a bike that worked from our camp

so I was happy with my bike

she's like we have an extra bike

and as it turned out it worked out for her

because the first bike she bought really didn't work

so she had to take the bike that she bought for me to be able to be

at Burning Man yeah wow

um but it's like my bike was stolen

you know

you never know how people have their lives outside of Burning Man

and to me um

I give everyone a hall pass really

because that person might have a miserable life in real life

and they don't feel like it's any

issue to take someone else's things or to not necessarily

to put themselves in front of other people and to not be as helpful

and their journey is part of this yeah

it's maybe part of their journey is having someone say

are you Waldy yeah

and I'm saying no

I just borrowed this bike

they're like you borrowed someone's bike with their cup

yeah hahaha right

like they don't need their cup

uh huh um

and it's you know

it's interesting because we had a situation at our camp

where someone accidentally found our camp

they were with another camp that was not being that helpful for them

they asked if they could camp one night at our camp

ultimately camped with us

the head of our camp said you can camp with us and um

he did something

he did a bunch of things but he did something with regard to me

whoa that prompted me to have to say something to him

oh goodness

he we have a tea house as you know yes

we serve tea every day to people that come to our camp strangers

we serve baked goods um

and everyone had brings their cup and

and cause everyone has a cup and it's one of those critical things

a bike is critical yeah

having a cup is having your own cup yeah

cause if you don't know burning man like you

there's there's liquids and food available for you

but you kind of need to come with your own plate and your own cup

a lot of the time to be served

you need to be self sufficient in general

you need to have your own transportation

you need to have your own light like for example

there's no street lights

if you don't have lights on your bike or lights on your body

you're in the dark and you're putting yourself at risk

um it's just being hit cause nobody

cause it's dark out there

it's chaos that works but it's chaos um

but in general like you just have to be self reliant

self sufficient anyways

this person lent my cup to a stranger and then left camp

not knowing whether that stranger would just walk with my cup

uh huh and

and it's not something I would ever do

1 it the rule here is if you don't have your cup

you have to go get a cup

like we don't provide cups for you anywhere at Burning Man

but I had to like approach him and say

um I recovered the cup cause someone at the camp saw

someone who's a stranger drinking from my cup and said hey

where did you get that cup

whoa and someone borrowed it wow

someone lent it to me uh huh

and I said but you're you

you need your own cup you're not

and they took it they took it back

uh huh um

that's another member of our camp

but I had to approach this person and say I

I would not say this to anyone else

you're you're new here and

and I don't know you know

your energy

and if you understand the energy of what this is here at our camp

but I have to tell you

you are not authorized to take or borrow anything that is mine uh huh

because you risked my cup leaving the camp

you didn't even you lent out something of mine and you just left

and I don't want you

using or borrowing anything of mine

and I need to tell you that

I would not tell this to a single other person in our camp

you need to hear it because I felt like that was not thoughtful

not caring which is part of what our camp is and um

part of our dialogue he started saying oh

someone else said I could do it

this is this and he started coming up like oh

I'm really sorry I said

I said I

I said I don't Wanna have any of these conversations

because your own decision you know that it wasn't

your cup it wasn't their cup you could have lent out your own cup

you chose to lend out someone else's cup

I said no matter what someone says

you can all lend out one of those cups or you can

or you're sorry you lent it out

you should have known that in general

you're here at Burning Man

you know what it's like

so what what would have happened if my cup walked out

what would you say oh

like I'm really sorry you don't have a cup for the rest of Burning Man

right yeah

like which is then I said

so he was very uncomfortable for a little while

I said look you're gonna feel some discomfort from what I'm saying

and I don't I don't think you're a bad person

uh huh I don't hate you

but this was something that doesn't happen at this camp

it doesn't really happen at Burning Man

um and you need to know that it affected another person me uh huh

and it would have affected me in a bigger way had it disappeared

and someone from the camp not said hey

that's not your call yeah

yeah and um

and he it took him like a day and a half like

and he kept coming over to me and really wanted to say

I'm sorry it wasn't my intention

I said look

you understand having this conversation is irrelevant to me

you either are or you aren't

you either are are what this is or you aren't what this is

giving me all these additional explanations

he said I could use it

I'm really sorry it wasn't my intention

I thought they give it back this or that it's

it doesn't mean anything to me

you either care holistically about the people around you

including the strangers instantly

but within the confines of what this is

or you don't and

and giving me an added explanation doesn't mean anything

because you're gonna be what you're gonna be

it's kind of like um

you know not

having to say thank you or that's beautiful all the time

because if you live with a captivation with everything

you know you're not having that again

that decision matrix like

is that worthy of a thank you

is that worthy of being beautiful

is that not beautiful enough of being beautiful

is that too beautiful it's gotta be gorgeous

like it's you're

you're distracting yourself from just being with it

by having to judge it everything and put it into a basket somewhere

hmm so that is challenging to fill your head with like

was that nice enough like that person was really nice

I forgot to say thank you

oh my God that was so beautiful

like did I really appreciate that as much as I should have

you know like it's a

it's it's just being present with everything

being grateful living that way

it you don't have to make those judgments constantly

if you're just that way uh huh

and that was what I was trying to communicate to him

hmm

just be it

don't explain it away just be it

you're you're distracting yourself just by even talking to me about it

uh huh

just be it just be thoughtful

yeah the words

words don't matter words don't matter

it's how do you exist in the world

listen

I don't have the cliff notes to like life

I just have my own journey

which has landed me where I am

um and

and I'm only one of 8 billion human beings on the planet

who all have their own journey

and all have their own experiences that have landed them

where they are in that moment

but I'm happy like I'm

I'm like legitimately a happy person

doesn't mean that everything's a yellow brick road

it just means that I like the mess

I like living amongst this

I don't mind the challenges

I don't mind like the highs and lows

it's like all part of the crazy madcap adventure of just being here

and Burning Man is a good

good kind of brief glimpse it reflection of what everything else is

yeah yeah

it's it's really a reflection

and then the question is you know

the real bizarre question is

why can't we like have this in the real world

like if people are always so kind and everyone loves Burning Man

they love the experience why can't we be generous in the default world

why can't we have like beautiful light displays

why can't we have art why can't we have like

you know sharing of intellectual emotional content

uh huh like what's so hard about that

like if we love it so uh huh

and then we go back to our stressful lives

like what is stopping us from like carrying that into every day

and the answer is nothing is difficult about it

but you have to break from the preordained form of the human construct

to allow that to enter your life

because there are lots of rules and regulations in the human construct

that don't value

quantify that level of happiness in existence

they value money productivity

productivity you know

it's capitalism you know

we there are

there are it's ROI r O I

there's total chaos at Burning Man

no streets people are going this way and this way and this way

the first night I was like

and you're just like what right

we are like will I make it across the playa without being like

exactly hit by a e bike or another bike or hitting some wall

fucker and like

uh huh just like running over a chunk of moop or something yeah

it's like oh my God I'm gonna yeah

like this is cast and it all works

it all works without all the rules without all the laws

mm hmm

yet we go to the default world and we have to law if you kill someone

you're going to jail right right

really jaywalking we need a law you can't park here

we need a law don't kill someone yeah

if you steal that person's phone

you go to jail like

we need another law to tell someone don't steal other people's stuff

like yeah

are we just a silly species every law is just so obvious yeah

like do you need a law for that

mm hmm like you go to Burning Man there are no laws

it's the laws are

do you that I was gonna go here is like I felt by the end of it

I was like oh

this is punk rock there's like a

there's an anarkle

kind of fuck the system thing that I was enjoying as well

like being a little lawless see

I would say I would alter the vocabulary not to say fuck the system

but screw screw the human construct hmm

like I don't need to fit into what everyone else fits into

I can just be me mm hmm meaning like we

we say anarchist just we blame like government we

but it's we set this thing up

yeah we like planned it

we set it up we built it

we say this is the schedule

here's the clock here's the syllabus

we gotta follow all these things and um

and then when we don't follow it you're like

punished yeah

and we go to a place like this

like this whole anarchy but it's actually

you're just allowed to be yourself and not answer to this

this monoculture form that everyone's got to snap into that

that grid mm hmm

or be viewed as an outlier

mm hmm

it's it's not is I don't view it as much as anarchy as it is

I don't have to like follow this like intensely rigid construct yeah

when I don't fit into it I don't even think I fit into it

and so out here

I'm gonna put makeup on and I'm gonna like put crazy shit on

I'm gonna run naked in the playa and I'm gonna like

I'm gonna like not eat lunch or breakfast

only eat dinner uh huh

I'm gonna do whatever I'm gonna sleep from 2 to 5 in the afternoon

uh huh cause I'm tired

uh huh and I'm gonna like go through the night

cause I love the night and I'm gonna be what I wanna be

uh huh

and I think that that's

you know when we use the word anarchy

it's it

it creates this like it's a battle zone yeah

it's another it's another word that we have a

we associate a

a meaning to that is then even creating a another picture

another another issue

another issue like it's yeah

against me right

no and it's not

it's kind of like people saying

I need a reset like you are who you are

you don't need to reset right

you are who you are yeah

there's no resetting you uh huh

you are well

I know when we do a practice

I say give thanks to your mind your body

body your heart

your spirit and your spine

and you've brought up in session of like

you know what are we

what are we thinking if you

you're already living in gratitude

not to mention the fact that it's

you know it

this goes back to I did a

I've done lots of plant medicine

and I did this peyote ceremony

and I don't know if you've ever done a peyote ceremony

but one of the first things

I went with this Mexican shaman who's very famous

and his wife was a shaman

and they have like

water blessings and flower blessings

but the first thing they do is everybody goes outside around a fire

and the shaman gives you a stick and says to everyone

you know think of anyone you've slighted

anything that's disappointed you

anything that you wish you had done any

make that

just think of that entire list and release it and put it in the fire

put the stick in the fire and start fresh

and I and so he

give me the stick and I immediately put in the fire without even

like everyone else is like

concentrate right yeah

they're like that time they did the thing and that person

and I can't forget that person

and he walked over to me goes

your list seems very short haha

he goes you didn't make a list

I said I did

he goes you made a list I said everything

because everything is yeah yeah

do I do I limit it to do I count when I walk on grass

it's alive or step on an ant hill

or I cut someone off by accident

or I could have helped someone and I didn't like I

there's I can't make a list

it's everything I need to be this way with everything

there's no list for me it's how I have to be with everything

like we you're picking and choosing

by making a list

like I don't think it's important enough that I stepped on grass

which is alive or that I you know

tripped or that I I killed an ant or that

you know I killed a mosquito

like that doesn't count but it counts that I was

I yelled at my mom

damn it right right

you know so to me

this is the issue of human existence

is that we feel like we kind of stand on top of everything

we don't have to exist with everything

my approach to everything is I'm here with everything and

and I'm not limiting it to one to my own personal human list

there are things that I don't even know that I do

like I breathe someone's air

they're trying to breathe they're

they're hyperventilating I'm breathing their air

like do I say I'm sorry for that right

like if I'm not thinking a beautiful thought

when someone's thinking a beautiful thought about me

do I like I'm so sorry

yeah I'm like yeah

I said this I said it's

it's just it's just me

yeah like

it's okay anyone else needs to make a list

but I just can't exist by making a list

and um

it was a smidge and disconcerting for him cause he has his way

but I also found that shaman

they're just people and they

it's like a business sure

like they they have to get people to come we all pay money

you know it's

there's a yeah

there's a business so transactional thing

it kind of happening there

it kind of

it jostles for space with

I really am a selfless caring healer of sorts

uh huh um versus

you know you had to do it my way

uh huh I'm telling you

I'm the shaman uh huh

like you might be the shaman

but you're not my shaman I'm my only shaman

I said I want you to be part of my dialogue

I wanna hear what you have to say

I'm here I wanna participate in this and learn

but I'm my only teacher

and it's no slight on you as like

this famous shaman

that has people come from all over the world to do peyote with you

but I'm here just for the dialogue hmm

I'm a bad example of everything cause like a lot of people have shaman

they have teachers why yoga's and and it really helps them

it just doesn't help me right

well I don't think you're doing a I don't think you're a bad example

I think you are being another example of how you can

you could be in the world

because with with my kind of teaching that I feel like from society

from um

a shamanic point of view

it's like from being a hypnotist from being in the fitness industry

it's like let me find the thing that's wrong with you so we can fix it

yeah you know and I think what we

is at the root of

all of it is like inherently there's nothing wrong

bad or negative about you yeah

inherently you are you are yeah

I am that is it's that is it you

the all the voices are what's kind of shaping the clay

and molding you into the the thing that then if you step out of line

it's like you were bad for doing it right

you know it's funny

cause I

this reminds me of a friend who's going through a difficult time and

um she said

something that's helped her

is this amazing ceramics class in Santa Monica

mm hmm ironically

she has this she loves this teacher she's alone at the wheel

it's just her and the clay

and the teacher's so kind and helped her understand how to be

you know where to put her thumbs and how much pressure

and she's telling me this and I said

I'm

I'm gonna suggest like another exercise

we talked about it and like you go in without your teacher

which is clay and water

and you like play with clay not knowing anything so that you know

like when you use too much water

when you push too hard with your thumbs

when how Clay interacts with you personally

because right now

you're just memorizing the 10 things your teacher said

versus you have a actual relationship with the clay

and your teacher is part of your conversation

and I said if you get to the point where you

really understand clay and clay understands you

I said this is a this is a river flowing back and forth

so it's not just you pushing on clay

it's the clay responding to you

oh yeah

so it's it's realizing that that's a relationship yeah

that you need to explore on your own

so that you understand how you interact with it

and then invite everybody in on the conversation

but you are you're forming your own path

and I said that that might be a really interesting exercise

because right now you're just telling me

the teacher said first you sit down you put this much water

water in you get your tool out

you gotta do this and

you know that is just like school

you're memorizing the 10 items that your teacher told you

you need to memorize to be considered smart

but you don't actually have a relationship with math

in a context of your life

you're just memorizing what they told you you need to memorize

but without any understanding of it

and here you like this person'cause they're kind and they're nice

and they're thoughtful and they're caring for you

but without her

you probably couldn't walk in here on your own

and feel like you could exist without her 10 rules mm hmm

but life is radical self reliance in every way

it's like Burning Man and so it's

it's forming those relationships without

someone telling you to form the relationship

that will allow you to navigate

good or bad doesn't matter

like you might not be the great

greatest ceramist ever but you will know how to interact with it

and the clay we don't

we don't actually give Clay the label of intelligence

we're like it's a thing right

it's a thing we don't know

we don't have any idea it's an organic material

we have no clue it's like

we don't say bees are smart

we don't say ants are smart

we don't know but we just say because we're smart

they aren't smart that can't be smart

a plant a flower can't be smart

like how could a flower be smart

it's just a flower

you know so the question becomes

you know we have to stop judging everything

and allowing ourselves to believe that

whenever we interact with anything

there's energetic flow back and forth between you and whatever that is

whether you're smelling a flower

you're seeing a flower

you're touching a flower and the feeling you get

or you're interacting with clay

um

everything has an interaction

you're instantly the clay if you

or to like melt it down a lot of what's in clay is in your body hmm

uh huh uh huh

hydrogen oxygen

like there's probably oh my God zinc

yeah zinc man

there's probably all this stuff

a lot of the periodic table is

is a lot of the periodic table is on that clay

we don't say it's us we say it's just fucking clay

yeah no

yeah so it has a vibration

it has an intelligence

I don't know what you know

we've deemed what intelligence is

we said you know

basically knowing the story we've written that we've made up

and knowing the answers to the story that we made up

we made up the answers too

we know both the story

science and the answers that we made up to the story

then we slap an a on our grade because we know what we made up

human beings have made up everything

you know uh huh

it's a language based existence

so all the science all the emotions

all the everything

uh huh

some woman or some man like wrote it down and said

this is what this is this is it

this is it philosopher

uh huh scientist named after the person athletic

uh huh astronomer

that's a fucking star up there

I'm like okay I

I um

I come from an anatomy background

and there are parts of the body and it

the human anatomy that are named after the doctor or the the

you know the dissector whoever

whoever came across that piece of anatomy is

it's like Joe Liver yeah

Joe Liver and it's just it's

it's it's like this

you're right like I'm

I'm seeing just like we're kind of building this

this world around us this reality

this reality by by saying this is this and this is that

and then teaching ourselves what we say

this is this this is that

we go to schools and say hey

little kid this is this

this is that yeah

then you say hey

what is that and they're like

that's this that's this

is that like oh my God

you are the smartest kid right

in class and then

uh huh and they're like interesting

thank you

and then we don't get praised for unique or individual thought

because we want everyone to be the same

yeah we want everything to be the same

well the matrix said because it's uncomfortable

uh huh when things are different

uh huh because it's hard to manage yeah

there's 8 billion different types of people

uh huh how do you manage that right

because we feel like we have to manage everything

we gotta get everybody in there in their thing uh

that just reminded me of a moment in Burning Man when we were we

we I had just got my bike unlocked

after it being locked over at district for two days and um

we're riding back and we pass I see Quetzalcoatl

the Feathered Serpent and I was like drea

it's ketsa quano it's ketsa

we gotta go see ketsa like we need to shed this shit

and we walk in and it's a

it's a beautiful ceremony of song and dance and poet that poetics and

and and calling in an invocation and prayer and we are just like yes

it's called transformation

you are gonna transformation and we're like okay

we're gonna get foamy like what's that look like

and then the ceremony is over and everybody starts getting naked

and then they go into this thing that looks like a human car wash

and you get foamed down and you scrub yourself

and then they rinse you and I was like all in

and Drea was like no

no no um no and I was like girl

when else are we gonna get naked with 300 other people

and go through a human car wash

and so she did it

but it was I was like everybody was naked so it was fine

like there wasn't a but it was always fine

it was always fine it was always fine

it was always fine yes

and so that was like a

a little nugget of deliciousness I got then is like

it was always fine always fine

we can do whatever we do with clothes on

with clothes off and it's always fine

cause someone once said hey

you gotta cover up your breasts

you gotta cover up your penis

you gotta cover up your vagina

yeah and they're like why

because you you

as you should yeah

it's inappropriate yeah

those are you know

your like private parts everyone just accepted it like okay

yeah it's like your body

any other animal on the planet give a shit naked

nope they don't care

no they're like hey

here's my let's have

let's have babies wherever he's at

he's always sticking listen the Bonobo

chimpanzees uh huh

our species of chimpanzees

you should look this up that

that part of their society is that everybody has sex with everybody

guys girls

anybody

anybody who comes up you just have sex with them wow

and they're the happiest most like grounded

most successful species of wow

and they just all have sex with each other

you're all like pulling each other's penises and just like wow

yeah you

it's like a crazy idea uh huh

um and

and scientists are saying like

how could they be so happy

you're right maybe'cause they don't have this like

layer of shame and guilt that we created

that we have to manage our entire lives

too fat too skinny

too tall too short too

you know not enough muscle

not enough this and that it's

it's we

we've done it yeah

we do it to ourselves

and um

so be getting naked at Burning Man

which insanely

there are not just naked people running everywhere at Burning Man

no there's not

most people are yeah

are clothed are clothed

but there are I always enjoy the naked bike rider though

I was always like I just am not gonna

I'm just not gonna bear vulva my bike seat

I just not gonna yeah

you do see the occasional naked biker um

and in fact I don't know if you did this

but when they burn the man

part of the Celebration

if you wanna do it is running naked around the oh

the cold I didn't know that I was up on an art car yeah

so a lot of people I've done it twice

you just run with strangers the first time I did it I was just like

I watched the man burn with a stranger

someone I met at some workshop and she was from China and she said hey

let's run around the man and I'm like okay

so we just dropped our clothes and she's like

where should we put our clothes

I'm like

I don't think you can put your clothes anywhere that's like safe

let's just put them here in a pile

because there's 100,000 people

and we're hoping that we can even find our clothes

let alone she goes do you think someone will take them

like I don't think so but if someone yeah

but if someone takes them we'll walk back to our camp get clothes yeah

like yep

like it was just it was an interesting experience

but it's kind of joyous there's no sexuality in it

it's just pure Celebration no

that's everybody was like oh

it's gonna be you know how many you're gonna have sex

there's the orgy dome there's the this the that and I I I was like

there's I didn't see very much sexual energy anywhere

everyone was just kind of being

I've never had sex in all the Burning Man I've been to never

listen I

I love Burning Man I hope to go many times

I've convinced many of my friends to go

yeah you were

you were lying in for me well

I mean you were definitely lying in for me

part of it is just to have an experience

yeah you don't have to go every time like me but if you

push yourself to have an experience that in the unknown

uh huh um

you know you

good things might come out of it

uh huh understanding um

but I like doing things every year that push my understanding of me

challenge my perspective on

on any topic whether it's interacting with another person

interacting with myself

my aspirations my how I interact with the world

anything

you know it really kind of is one of those interesting

magical events that is set up in a way that it just seems to work

and honestly you go every year

I go and every year I think this is just total fucking chaos

like there's it's just chaos

like I don't know how many finds are camp

how they find where they're going

how they get through this dirt

how they get through all this stuff

and every year I'm just overwhelmed by like

it just works it doesn't just works

it just works yeah

and um

and you can't explain it to someone cause they say oh

it's a music festival and people are all naked and doing lots of drugs

right you know

I just I don't think that I need that in my life right

and those people are probably judging many things in their life saying

I don't want to do that because this

this this without really knowing it's kind of like

one thing I did in the last couple years I

I had dead bees in my backyard

and I didn't know why

cause I don't spray my hill and I don't do anything and

and I just had a lot of dead bees

and they had like mangled legs

and so I found this beekeeper online

mine who blogs about bees and I called him up I emailed him and I said

can you can I pay you to educate me about bees for a day

and he's like no I'm like

no you're like

this is what you do for a living like you blog about bees

I'll pay you he goes I'm I'm too busy I said oh

okay he goes

but I give a master beekeeping class for beekeepers

but it's six weeks and it's lots of work

and they're already beekeepers

I said well

can I sign up for that he goes well

you can are you a beekeeper

I'm like

I'm not a beekeeper but I can read uh huh and I and I can do homework

uh huh and I'm interested

and so I took that class and it was the hardest class I've ever taken

it was so much work but the the takeaways from it

was the humility of all the things that I assumed about bees

that were just completely not true

and about all the things that

that exist in in the lives and existence of bees that no one knows

and no one will ever know

uh huh and the magic of how bees interact with each other

it just was it was just a lesson in humility for me

not just learning about bees

cause now I know enough to be dangerous

I don't wanna be a beekeeper

but I wanna know about bees enough to be dangerous um

beekeeping beekeeping danger

uh huh um

but it was just how we just make so many assumptions about everything

whether it's Burning Man or whether it's about

you know uh huh

going to this restaurant or

or dating that person or you know

we're all assuming this thing out of a judgment too a lot of the time

yeah like we could assume the best

but most people that I have seen in the world are assuming the worst

or just before they're even experiencing it

or just be open yeah

not even assume not even caring whether it's good or bad

just be open to whatever it is maybe so whatever it is

it's gonna whatever it is

it's gonna be something and not say it's gonna be good

it's gonna be bad

I think that was a bit of my hiccup with Burning Man as well

is that I was expecting to be a hot bitch in the desert John

like I wanted to be yeah but you were a hot bitch in the desert

I was a hot bitch but I wasn't in my face

she's in my thigh highs and my fucking whip

I just wanted to be like yes

I would all the pictures like most of my pictures are selfies

like I thought someone

there was a photographer that was gonna follow me around

all these art things

so it's interesting that that I like I also got to see that I'm like

oh

I like just expected it to be this thing and it's not this thing yeah

so there there is like a little bit of disappointment in there

but if you're just going in being like just being just accepting

absorbing in it then you don't get that like that little fragment

but that's the Byron Katie thing

it's like your expectation is you're setting

you're you're laying the groundwork before it even happens

it doesn't even exist and you have already ideas in your mind

what it is

is like your mind has written the story

and you haven't even had the experience

uh huh and so when you get there

when it's not exactly like the story you wrote in your head

you're like what the fuck

uh huh even though that happens like virtually 100% of the time

and nothing is ever exactly as you think it's gonna be

and it's just the idea of clearing your head

and being just open to everything

uh huh and then appreciating all of it

and taking the wisdom from the challenges and

and the joy uh huh

because underneath everything is understanding

uh huh and not letting anything knock you off your center

because it was hard or wasn't exactly what you thought like

it should be interesting that it wasn't exactly what you thought

it should be help you understand your next decision

now that you know that it wasn't what you thought

uh huh now your next decision is even better because you're

have that knowledge uh huh

that it's not hey this actually isn't what I thought it was gonna be

it's something different uh huh

be the truth that wisdom seeks

is what just kind of popped in my head from

from you saying that

yeah I mean

there's wisdom everywhere in everything and so finding the truth

it's just it's sitting with it

I don't think finding it like be it yeah

like you should never like there's no search for it

you're just with it all the time yeah

just with it you're just with it

I'm not looking for shit no

you there's there's no looking

you're just you are in it yeah

you're part of it so it's like saying looking for myself

looking for yourself like you're here right here

you're everything is here right here

so you don't have to look anywhere

you're the only thing that you have to deal with is this moment

that's it right

there's no like past is gone

future doesn't exist it's just right this moment yeah

so it's like being with everything

right this moment yeah

you're just you're just with fractions

yeah you

you are sitting with fractions every fraction

and there's no complete there's no storyline to this right

and it's it's kind of really getting used to the idea that

not writing the story before it happens

just being with the fractions and appreciating the fractions

which are the tiny things that ultimately build this

the narrative when it happens

but they're all like tiny pieces of it

and that's all we have everything else is imaginary

wow

thank you John

it was a great pleasure to have you here

thank you I always enjoy talking with you Ashley

I hope to do it again sometime very soon

well I invite me back

I'll come okay

haha thank you for doing this for other people yeah

cause we all think about it yeah

yeah yeah

thank you it's just

that's kind of my thing is I'm like

if I'm curious about it there's gotta be other people yeah

curious about it so yeah

yeah 8 billion people wondering wondering yeah

just be

just be try we can try

Ciao thank you

thank you thank you thank you